Things I Have Learned Directly from My Relationships.
1.Time does not determine how close a couple gets.
2. Smegma.
3. Always go with your gut feeling.
4. If you think you are being cheated on, it’s probably because you are.
5. Don’t generalize. It is the number one killer of relationships.
6. Take time to listen, even if you think you’ve heard it 200 times before.
7. Opposites don’t always attract.
8. Some men like to cuddle more than women do.
9. I can get blue balls too.
10.“Breaks” are an excuse to get laid. This is usually the case. I have yet to be proven wrong.
11. Motel 6 isn’t really as bad as it looks.
12. Lindt truffles can be used for more than eating.
13. I want my partner to die before me because I don’t want them to have to bare the pain of my passing; I would rather deal with it than dream of having them do so.
14. I am capable of marrying a woman, when in my younger years I was convinced otherwise.
15. Physically, I am a giver. Mentally, I yearn to be given to.
16. I have a high pain tolerance, and a low tolerance for idiots.
17. I now think ‘Poonani” is one of the funniest words in existence.
18. I am much more dominant when it comes to dating women; I feel responsible for their happiness.
19. Don’t talk to your partner when you are pissed off—. Wait for the anger stage to pass, then let ‘em know what’s up.
20. Perogies and Chicken Fingers make a kick ass meal.
21. How to ride a trike.
22. And how to feed a Buffalo.
23. I think before I speak, always.
24. I now know how to deal with airport staff in EVERY situation.
25. Not everyone in an internet chat room is a creeper.
26. I am compatible with a lot of different people, but I am very selective about the people I will actually date.
27. I am ridiculously romantic, and know I can't expect the same level of romance from others, but have wished for it continually.
28. I’m not the only one who “kicks the dog” (this has nothing to do with harming animals!!!)
29. I have learned of my ability to predict the outcome of a personal relationship.
30. I have also learned that when I can’t predict the reason a relationship will end, right off the bat, it’s a relationship worth exploring.
31. Some people are better kissers when they’re drunk.
32. I am incapable of hatred even though I wish I were.
33. Steak is best prepared Medium-ish; Don’t be scared of the pink!
34. Sleeping across the hall from someone is more painful than sleeping miles away from them.
35. Don’t chew and talk in front of prospective in-laws.
36. My greatest fear is not being able to say goodbye to the people who will miss me the most.
37. I love having my ass played with.
38. It is hard for me to accept what I am being told without thinking there is a hidden motive.
39. I no longer trust easily.
40. There can be language barriers between two people who speak the same language; semantics people!
41. I know exactly what is in the realm of possibility.
42. Sexual frustration can transmogrify into cat fights and all out wars.
43. Sometimes I don’t like to cuddle afterwards. Women get sleepy too.
44. Music is an experience.
45. Sex and music is an entire body experience.
46. Blue hair can be sexy, even in an emo hair flip.
47. The word “pooing” is cutesie and makes me want to punch infants, but my ex-girlfriend can say it without me wincing.
48. Apologies are usually given just to smooth things over.
49. I don’t and won’t apologize unless I mean it.
50. “Never” doesn’t mean never and “Forever” is a relative term.
51. I have obviously learned a lot about the use of language in communication.
52. Therefore I say what I mean and give explanations when I feel needed: it’s not because I’m trying to patronize you.
53. Emotions can manifest themselves physically and cause you to writhe for hours.
54. I am condescending to people in my own age range.
55. Jew jokes are fucking hilarious.
56. I don’t want to plan my own wedding. I would rather have my friends do so, and write a check. Weddings are supposed to be stress free. People who labor over their weddings confuse me. How can you enjoy a day that you spent months painstakingly planning?
57. I can’t bring myself to fake an orgasm. I feel too guilty.
58. I will be successful in anything I choose to do, and not to worry so much about it.
59. I blush easier now than I used to.
60. My reason for living lies within my connections with other people.
61. "Babygirl" is my deepest and most treasured pet name.
62. I am very good at making people miserable if that’s what I choose to do.
63. I want a family more than anything.
64. I will sacrifice anything to be with you if it means I will be remotely happy for the remainder of my days.
65. I know no one is perfect, but some people are perfectly imperfect for me.
66. Writing anything about love and relationships makes you, anyone and everyone seem angsty. It’s a smidge unfortunate.
67. My life has countless possibilities.
68. Kiss me and nibble my bottom lip just the right way and I might come within two moans of creaming myself.
69. I keep my promises to people who keep promises.
70. Couples should always take care of themselves separately i.e. separate hair appointments, gym hours, bathroom times and whatnot because when the mystery is gone behind why your partner is as attractive as they are, the attraction suddenly disappears.
71. Being comfortable is one thing. Letting yourself go is another.
72. Seeing your partner change without you is scary. But inevitable.
73. Small arguments accumulate.
74. If someone is embarrassed by your behavior, mannerisms or looks, don’t waste your time trying to correct those things about yourself for the sake of the relationship. Ditch.
75. Love sometimes comes at the expense of sleeping, eating and knowing left from right.
76. Scent can bring you back to any moment in time. I react physically sometimes.
77. I enjoy giving oral and I don’t care if you believe me or not.
78. I like surprises but I dislike knowing there is a surprise coming.
79. Keep separate friends as well as mutual ones. But don’t ‘keep’ friends from each other.
80. I don’t feel angry, I feel used.
81. I hate the term “make love”. Or “make magic”. Or any such bullshit phrase. I like to fuck, bounce, bang, rock, suck, ride and tap it.
82. That doesn’t make me any less intimate, it just means that I think the love and magic are there without you having to call it that.
83. I like 'animal people'. And if a prospective suitor doesn’t like animals, it most likely won’t work out well.
84. Nothing replaces another person in your bed, but lots of pillows definitely help.
85. I have learned that I am apparently hard to buy gifts for. I appreciate everything so don’t be ashamed or shy.
86. How to order flowers for international delivery.
87. I enjoy making people blush.
88. Want and Need are very different realities.
89. I like when people need me.
90. I like when people knead me.
91. Moving in together is not something to be taken lightly.
92. Computer gamers drive me crazy.
93. I still don't understand how people can sit and play them for more than 2 hrs at a time.
94. Sex is a multi-level experience. I 'knew' this before now, but knowing and experiencing it are two different things. And I can honestly say I didn't actually "know" before recently.
95. e-Harmony works. But no, you won't see me on one of those ridiculous commercials.
96. My mom is still not comfortable with me being in a mature relationship, even though I am twenty-three.
97. I have a much harder time present shopping for people I really care for.
98. I have never really been one to enjoy Valentine's Day. Even when I am not single.
98.5. Fail cookies are awesome. :D
99. No amount of 'awesome' in a relationship can outweigh the things you dislike about a person when you are morally objected to those things.
100. Bros before Hoes, always.
101. There are ACTUAL rules for things like P'diddle and Shot Gun.
102. #BBC not my thing.
103. There is no order or process to falling in love; You can fall way before anything makes sense.
104. Liking/befriending someone your current partner had sex with, or was romantically interested in, is a very difficult thing. More power to you if you can do it, because I certainly can't.
105. Angle is important.
106. Being around intoxicated men makes me uncomfortable 90% of the time.
107. Drunk sex... not as hot as the movies made it seem.
108. Chivalry is dead. Prove me wrong.
109. No matter how much you love someone there are some things that you just cannot accept, or expect to change about your morals to suit the other person.
110. And with the above comes the need to make decisions based upon what is right for you, as opposed to the "us" you always need to keep in mind.
111. Being compassionate towards me is one thing, but having unending compassion for other people's situations is a must.
112. Empathy is my 6th sense.
113. I am really very interested in the dynamics of an Adult Nursing Relationship. Yes. Breastfeeding your partner.
114. I am KINKY.
115. I am a BBW and embrace this fully.
116. Confidence is my best accessory!
117. It is okay to be vulnerable.
118. As open as I seem here... I am actually quite closed off.
119. Receiving oral is an emotional experience for me. There are no two ways about it.
120. I can't orgasm from penetration alone.
2. Smegma.
3. Always go with your gut feeling.
4. If you think you are being cheated on, it’s probably because you are.
5. Don’t generalize. It is the number one killer of relationships.
6. Take time to listen, even if you think you’ve heard it 200 times before.
7. Opposites don’t always attract.
8. Some men like to cuddle more than women do.
9. I can get blue balls too.
10.“Breaks” are an excuse to get laid. This is usually the case. I have yet to be proven wrong.
11. Motel 6 isn’t really as bad as it looks.
12. Lindt truffles can be used for more than eating.
13. I want my partner to die before me because I don’t want them to have to bare the pain of my passing; I would rather deal with it than dream of having them do so.
14. I am capable of marrying a woman, when in my younger years I was convinced otherwise.
15. Physically, I am a giver. Mentally, I yearn to be given to.
16. I have a high pain tolerance, and a low tolerance for idiots.
17. I now think ‘Poonani” is one of the funniest words in existence.
18. I am much more dominant when it comes to dating women; I feel responsible for their happiness.
19. Don’t talk to your partner when you are pissed off—. Wait for the anger stage to pass, then let ‘em know what’s up.
20. Perogies and Chicken Fingers make a kick ass meal.
21. How to ride a trike.
22. And how to feed a Buffalo.
23. I think before I speak, always.
24. I now know how to deal with airport staff in EVERY situation.
25. Not everyone in an internet chat room is a creeper.
26. I am compatible with a lot of different people, but I am very selective about the people I will actually date.
27. I am ridiculously romantic, and know I can't expect the same level of romance from others, but have wished for it continually.
28. I’m not the only one who “kicks the dog” (this has nothing to do with harming animals!!!)
29. I have learned of my ability to predict the outcome of a personal relationship.
30. I have also learned that when I can’t predict the reason a relationship will end, right off the bat, it’s a relationship worth exploring.
31. Some people are better kissers when they’re drunk.
32. I am incapable of hatred even though I wish I were.
33. Steak is best prepared Medium-ish; Don’t be scared of the pink!
34. Sleeping across the hall from someone is more painful than sleeping miles away from them.
35. Don’t chew and talk in front of prospective in-laws.
36. My greatest fear is not being able to say goodbye to the people who will miss me the most.
37. I love having my ass played with.
38. It is hard for me to accept what I am being told without thinking there is a hidden motive.
39. I no longer trust easily.
40. There can be language barriers between two people who speak the same language; semantics people!
41. I know exactly what is in the realm of possibility.
42. Sexual frustration can transmogrify into cat fights and all out wars.
43. Sometimes I don’t like to cuddle afterwards. Women get sleepy too.
44. Music is an experience.
45. Sex and music is an entire body experience.
46. Blue hair can be sexy, even in an emo hair flip.
47. The word “pooing” is cutesie and makes me want to punch infants, but my ex-girlfriend can say it without me wincing.
48. Apologies are usually given just to smooth things over.
49. I don’t and won’t apologize unless I mean it.
50. “Never” doesn’t mean never and “Forever” is a relative term.
51. I have obviously learned a lot about the use of language in communication.
52. Therefore I say what I mean and give explanations when I feel needed: it’s not because I’m trying to patronize you.
53. Emotions can manifest themselves physically and cause you to writhe for hours.
54. I am condescending to people in my own age range.
55. Jew jokes are fucking hilarious.
56. I don’t want to plan my own wedding. I would rather have my friends do so, and write a check. Weddings are supposed to be stress free. People who labor over their weddings confuse me. How can you enjoy a day that you spent months painstakingly planning?
57. I can’t bring myself to fake an orgasm. I feel too guilty.
58. I will be successful in anything I choose to do, and not to worry so much about it.
59. I blush easier now than I used to.
60. My reason for living lies within my connections with other people.
61. "Babygirl" is my deepest and most treasured pet name.
62. I am very good at making people miserable if that’s what I choose to do.
63. I want a family more than anything.
64. I will sacrifice anything to be with you if it means I will be remotely happy for the remainder of my days.
65. I know no one is perfect, but some people are perfectly imperfect for me.
66. Writing anything about love and relationships makes you, anyone and everyone seem angsty. It’s a smidge unfortunate.
67. My life has countless possibilities.
68. Kiss me and nibble my bottom lip just the right way and I might come within two moans of creaming myself.
69. I keep my promises to people who keep promises.
70. Couples should always take care of themselves separately i.e. separate hair appointments, gym hours, bathroom times and whatnot because when the mystery is gone behind why your partner is as attractive as they are, the attraction suddenly disappears.
71. Being comfortable is one thing. Letting yourself go is another.
72. Seeing your partner change without you is scary. But inevitable.
73. Small arguments accumulate.
74. If someone is embarrassed by your behavior, mannerisms or looks, don’t waste your time trying to correct those things about yourself for the sake of the relationship. Ditch.
75. Love sometimes comes at the expense of sleeping, eating and knowing left from right.
76. Scent can bring you back to any moment in time. I react physically sometimes.
77. I enjoy giving oral and I don’t care if you believe me or not.
78. I like surprises but I dislike knowing there is a surprise coming.
79. Keep separate friends as well as mutual ones. But don’t ‘keep’ friends from each other.
80. I don’t feel angry, I feel used.
81. I hate the term “make love”. Or “make magic”. Or any such bullshit phrase. I like to fuck, bounce, bang, rock, suck, ride and tap it.
82. That doesn’t make me any less intimate, it just means that I think the love and magic are there without you having to call it that.
83. I like 'animal people'. And if a prospective suitor doesn’t like animals, it most likely won’t work out well.
84. Nothing replaces another person in your bed, but lots of pillows definitely help.
85. I have learned that I am apparently hard to buy gifts for. I appreciate everything so don’t be ashamed or shy.
86. How to order flowers for international delivery.
87. I enjoy making people blush.
88. Want and Need are very different realities.
89. I like when people need me.
90. I like when people knead me.
91. Moving in together is not something to be taken lightly.
92. Computer gamers drive me crazy.
93. I still don't understand how people can sit and play them for more than 2 hrs at a time.
94. Sex is a multi-level experience. I 'knew' this before now, but knowing and experiencing it are two different things. And I can honestly say I didn't actually "know" before recently.
95. e-Harmony works. But no, you won't see me on one of those ridiculous commercials.
96. My mom is still not comfortable with me being in a mature relationship, even though I am twenty-three.
97. I have a much harder time present shopping for people I really care for.
98. I have never really been one to enjoy Valentine's Day. Even when I am not single.
98.5. Fail cookies are awesome. :D
99. No amount of 'awesome' in a relationship can outweigh the things you dislike about a person when you are morally objected to those things.
100. Bros before Hoes, always.
101. There are ACTUAL rules for things like P'diddle and Shot Gun.
102. #BBC not my thing.
103. There is no order or process to falling in love; You can fall way before anything makes sense.
104. Liking/befriending someone your current partner had sex with, or was romantically interested in, is a very difficult thing. More power to you if you can do it, because I certainly can't.
105. Angle is important.
106. Being around intoxicated men makes me uncomfortable 90% of the time.
107. Drunk sex... not as hot as the movies made it seem.
108. Chivalry is dead. Prove me wrong.
109. No matter how much you love someone there are some things that you just cannot accept, or expect to change about your morals to suit the other person.
110. And with the above comes the need to make decisions based upon what is right for you, as opposed to the "us" you always need to keep in mind.
111. Being compassionate towards me is one thing, but having unending compassion for other people's situations is a must.
112. Empathy is my 6th sense.
113. I am really very interested in the dynamics of an Adult Nursing Relationship. Yes. Breastfeeding your partner.
114. I am KINKY.
115. I am a BBW and embrace this fully.
116. Confidence is my best accessory!
117. It is okay to be vulnerable.
118. As open as I seem here... I am actually quite closed off.
119. Receiving oral is an emotional experience for me. There are no two ways about it.
120. I can't orgasm from penetration alone.